Universities should never allow guns on campuses

Editorial Board Staff Column

College campuses around the country face a serious dilemma from proponents of the Second Amendment, as well as those of us actively pursuing a rational solution to the crisis affecting America's institutions of higher education.

This Board is infuriated, however, with the lackluster suggestion - provided by self-described, red-blooded Americans - of allowing "law-abiding citizens" to conceal weapons on campuses.

Utah is the only state in the country allowing students to carry concealed weapons, but the university prohibits the display of these guns in public.

South Dakota might become the second, pending the passage of HB 1261, which would prevent any public institution of higher education from "regulat[ing] or restrict[ing] the right to carry or possess a firearm in accordance with state law." The act further stipulates that guns must be stored in a locked gun safe registered within the students' residences.

It takes only one bullet, however, to kill someone.

"Law-abiding citizens" abide by the law until the second before they commit a crime. They should be viewed as such in the public domain, but that does not lend credence to the thought of eliminating "gun-free zones."

These zones are as such for a reason - and it has nothing to do with restricting rights.

The premise for a gun-free zone is contained within the Second Amendment itself.

According to U.S. law, "a well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."

The most important part of this is the "well-regulated militia." Our laws concerning gun control are in serious need of reform, as they have been for a significant amount of time. But whenever change is imminent, groups like the National Rifle Association - which has absolutely nothing to do with higher education - asphyxiate the process with fiercely ignorant psycho-babble about gun rights.

For too long, we have engaged in empty rhetoric about our constitutional rights, without examining the problems happening today. Guns serve no purpose other than to destroy; throwing more guns at the problem in lieu of commencing a proper forum on the need for better security measures and alternate means of realizing a safe environment.

For anyone who argues, "Guns don't kill people; people kill people," the message from this Board is crystal clear - guns kill people, and bringing more on campus makes us less safe. More controllable measures will work better for the common good.

Originally published in The Daily Reveille...

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LiveBlog: 2/27 LSU Student Government Senate Meeting

6:21 p.m. - Boss Hog is ready to blog. Don’t know why I put that there, but you’d be amazed at how few words rhyme with blog. Anyway, Eric Freeman back in the Atchafalaya Room, fully healed and ready to rock. Word on the street is we’re looking at a short meeting tonight, and I’m looking forward to every heart-stopping moment.

6:24 p.m. - On a side note, I can’t explain how much of an honor it is to share the press table with Natalie Messina. I know it’s tacky to cite other writers and columnists in my blog, but this is, in fact, my blog, and I’m sitting next to the most promising future journalist these 21-year-old eyes have ever seen. It is a true honor. You’re reading words being typed two feet away from greatness. Granted, the typer of these words isn’t too shabby, if I do say so myself.

Gavel

6:32 p.m. - Speaker Colorado Robertson pounds the gavel. Game on SG.

New Senator

6:35 p.m. - The blog would like to extend its congratulations to John Collens, the newest member of the Senate. Congratulations, senator, but do realize you’re being watched. Just kidding. But really…

Public Input

6:40 p.m. - A partnership between SG and the student art gallery is forged. March 5th and 6th, from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., the gallery will be displaying the 2007 National Championship trophy, with which you can take pictures. Attendance is free, and there is no touching of the trophy. Completely seriously, no touching.

More public input...

6:41 p.m. - Volunteer LSU is having a spring service project on April 5th. They will be traveling to Mid-City to paint homes and repair damages.

Even more public input...

6:43 p.m. - “It gets really tiresome to live on campus sometimes.” An East Lavillean alerts to SG the problems with dorms, citing water problems and roof damage as continuous. “I know you’re handling the homosexual ticketing thing fiasco last week, but it would be nice if SG did something for the average student.”

Question from a senator: “Do you know where we can get thousands and thousands of dollars to start this? I mean, we’re spending a lot on security, and I think that’s a little more important than murky water.”

Reply: “Or no water…”

Sen. Blanco brings up the point that housing and dining are two separate entities. At the same time, the new freshman residency requirement will mandate all new students to purchase a dorm and a meal plan. The two bodies have essentially become intertwined.

Sen Breaux: “Do you find the living conditions at East Laville acceptable?

“No.”

“Do you think SG could do more to fix this problem?”

“Yes.”

An East Lavillean wanted to talk to his Student Government about living conditions on campus, and the senators are instead referring him to other bodies. The senators are forced to ask a question, so they phrase where he should go by starting with “Did you know…?” After speaking at the podium, the student is then hounded by senators on the side to tell him about different places he can go to learn about LSU’s Master Plan, involving renovation and development.

Sen. McEntire

6:56 p.m. - Sen. McEntire brings up a neighbor of his, Vicky Barrett, who found out she has four brain tumors. “I cannot sing loudly the praises of Speaker Robertson, Vice President King and, most importantly, President Cassie Alsfeld for trying to help this poor lady. But there’s only so many times we can call people to get help for her…As student leaders, this is the opportunity we have a responsibility to meet. I beg you. Please go back to where you can. Find what you can give, or come find me. I just beg of you to give what you can.”

Sen. Palermo

6:59 p.m. - Sen. Palermo personally invites the senators to come to the academic calendar review. This Monday at 4:30 p.m. in the Red River Room, students and faculty can come to give their input.

Executive Officer Reports

7:00 p.m. - Director of Communications Parker Wishik apologizes for lack of a more detailed blog. Parker is a self-prescribed perfectionist, but will have a more detailed blog on the Web site soon.

7:03 p.m. - President Cassie Alsfeld thanks Sen. McEntire for telling her about Ms. Barrett’s condition, and further thanks him for bringing this to her attention. “It’s not often that people in our roles get to help people like Vicky. We’ve sent emails to Financial Aid, the LSU Foundation, the chancellor’s office and others to help better accommodate her. Hopefully we can move forward with the process of getting her a tuition waiver. Anything we can bring for her, anything can help.”

7:07 p.m. - Alsfeld continues on to the success of the election forum, an idea of Chancellor Jenkins, and she praises the senators involved with the project. In other news, Eric Monday has been appointed the interim Vice Chancellor of Student Affairs.

Changes to football

7:09 p.m. - Dates for availability of student ticket sales will be announced before school lets out. Freshmen will have a one to two day process. It’s no longer first come, first serve for the freshmen. They will put their names in a pool, and hope to be picked. No more “It’s 8 a.m. My computer just crashed, help me!” Signing up on the first day and at the end of the second day will make no difference for incoming freshmen only. They will all be equal, but upperclassmen will essentially have the same system, the dates of availability being announced before school ends.

Committee Reports

7:14 p.m. - Sen. Hanna takes over for Sen. Remson. Academics, Athletics and Administration (AAA) discussed the W policy and will be looking at a rolling grade scale, meaning A+, A-, B+, etc.

7:15 p.m. - Sen. Prestridge and Governmental Relations went to the Governor’s Mansion. Gov. Jindal was on his way to Shreveport, but they met with Jindal’s director of communications, who is allegedly a good guy. He also contacted Southern University about a joint session, possibly at the House of Representatives at the Capital. Southern Student President Carey Ash will meet with Sen. Prestridge about the joint session, which delights me. I first met Carey Ash at Louisiana Boys State in summer 2003. He’s a really good guy, and I’m looking forward to the joint session.

The academic calendar

7:20 p.m. - Sen. Palermo speaks about President Alsfeld’s veto last week of a resolution that would change the academic calendar. He plans to contact every school in the System to get their opinion on a referendum to be passed at a later date. Sen McEntire raises an excellent point: if every school in the system voted against the referendum, it wouldn’t match the capacity of the students at LSU-Baton Rouge. Sen. Palermo replies in merely getting an idea from the other schools about the proposed changes. His resolution is withdrawn.

Resignations

7:24 p.m. - Due to an abnormal number of resignations in the last week from committees, the senators are asked to recruit some friends to help serve on these committees lacking members. Rules state each committee requires at least seven people. Sen. Collens is moved to Students’ Rights and Welfare.

Roommate Matching Survey

7:28 p.m. - A committee is formed through Residential Life to create a roommate matching committee, consisting of two senators, an appointee from President Alsfeld, and another appointee. Sen. Palermo has put together a comprehensive plan to enact a potential resolution supporting this, which will then be submitted to ResLife.

7:29 p.m. - Time for nominations: Sen. Sellers is nominated. Sen. Bonvillain is nominated. Sen. Blanco is nominated. Nominations are closed. It’s duel time.

Sen. Blanco's case

7:30 p.m. - Sen. Blanco works for ResLife and is a senator. She’s lived on campus for three years and was an RA.

Sen. Bonvillain's case

7:32 p.m. - She’s lived on campus too.

Sen. Sellers's case

7:32 p.m. - Sen. Sellers held off another committee because he seriously wanted to be on this committee. He lives on campus too.

Voting

7:33 p.m. - Two of these members will be elected. One will be out, to quote Seal’s baby’s momma.

Breaking News

7:35 p.m. - Speaker Robertson announces a resignation on the Students’ Required Fee Committee, and the position will be opened tomorrow. Here’s the kicker: ANY student can apply. It’s a lot of work, but according to Speaker Robertson, any student can apply.

And the winners are...

7:39 p.m. - Sens. Bonvillain and Sellers win the vote.

Another resignation

7:41 p.m. - Sen. Allison Stuart writes an eloquent letter about her resignation, which is accepted by the Senate.

A story about a Civic

7:42 p.m. - Pointless rambling about directions, the governor’s mansion, and Scarlet, Sen. Hanna’s bright red ‘03 Civic. Humorous story about getting lost behind a Tahoe and then another Tahoe, but not in the least bit relevant to the student body.

The end of black history

7:46 p.m. - The final two Black History Month programs are this week, but the senator audibly doubts anyone from SG will show up. She then looks at Sen. Breaux and says, “even you.”

Vote for Mike the Tiger

7:48 p.m. - Easports.com. Vote for Mike the Tiger as the cover of NCAA Football 2009. Thank you Sen. Remson. All of you reading, vote now. I SAID NOW!

Currently surrounded

7:50 p.m. - I’m now surrounded by senators waiting to speak at the podium. They’re giving me those eyes. Those eyes that say, “What are you doing?”

Sen. McEntire

7:52 p.m. - Sen. McEntire thanks SG for his remarks earlier, as he seemed nervous in front of people for the first time. He thanked Sen. Remson for keeping his comments short and only showing up once at the podium, but it was all in good fun.

Sen. Breaux

7:54 p.m. - The congressional candidates of the 6th district will have a debate next week, March 4th, in the Forum. An attempt to bridge the gap between LSU and Southern tomorrow night in the Atchafalaya Room will start at 7:14 p.m. Sen. Breaux stresses the importance of this gap bridging, stating there’s no need for undue tension between the two universities.

Sen. McMann

7:57 p.m. - Sen. McMann criticizes the body for chastising the East Lavillean, reminding SG that they represent the student body, and should be less critical and more helpful. Very well put.

Adjourn

7:59 p.m. - We’re done. See you next week.

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Serious crisis of faith conflicts confused student

If I'm wrong about my view of religion, I'm screwed.

I was never raised in the church, but this outsider's perspective led me to believe not as much in an almighty God as in spirits. I believe with all of my heart in the spirits continuously roaming around the tattered remains of what they once called Earth.

They would be "almightily" upset about what's happening today.

See what I did there?

The richest, most powerful nation on the planet won't give tax relief to its poor citizens - at the same time as they wage war with upwards of $3 trillion to $4 trillion dollars of America's money. The government didn't just steal five billion sets of Monopoly money. This is real money being contributed to fund real death halfway around the world.

Combine this with fighting all over the planet, no cure for AIDS - unless you have Magic Johnson's money - and a climate crisis killing off the polar bears and penguins along with real people.

A certain "savior" needs to come back to set the planet straight. If you're a Christian who happens to believe the ancient Mayans, you have a specific date in mind for the return of the Jesus.

December 21, 2012.

We've got less than five years left, according to this date.

The next half decade will spark a massive religious upheaval, as most of the major religions will continue their shameless recruiting for members petrified of damnation, though unsure of the true pathway to God. Most will argue their own faith is the one true religion, but the hypocrisy with which they recruit is in dire need of examination.

All my life, I've understood one of two alleged "facts" - either God is vengeful and worthy of submission, or he/she is loving and good-natured, making him/her worthy of blind allegiance. If this comes off as overly cynical and blind to the ways of the good, consider me guilty as charged.

There are more than 10,000 religions out there - all of which claim to be the "correct" religion. To which should I submit my eternal soul?

After almost 2,000 years of existence, Christianity has contradicted itself many times. As the human species has evolved - yes, evolved - events such as the Protestant Reformation, the Enlightenment and the Renaissance have forced the Church to readapt its teachings.

It's no longer acceptable to force women and minorities into submission.

Unfortunately, this has been Christianity's modus operandi for years upon years. After all, what alleged Christian would argue with teachings from their own book?

In 2 Timothy 3:16-17 - shout out to the New Testament - it's clearly written that "holy men" may do as they wish with the word of God.

I'm not making this up: "All scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works."

Ask Pat Robertson and Robert Tilton if the scripture has been profitable.

This message becomes increasingly unclear if coupled with Galatians 1:8-9, a point so rigid it must be made twice: "But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed. As we said before, so say I now again, If any man preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed."

Someone get me some Aleve.

Religion is confusing. Most of them claim that their path is the one true path, and it's not enough to believe it.

They know.

They know Jesus is coming back. They know homosexuality is an abomination. They know women must be held subservient to their master husbands. They know "we didn't come from monkeys!"

They also know I should not exist, as my father and mother, of opposing races, would never be allowed to procreate.

No one knows: that's why it's called "faith." No one knows what will happen after we die. We're all scared - at least I am - but I'm ready to find out the truth.

So, religions of the world, I leave it to you. Convince me that yours is the correct religion. And don't give me the same tired "every religion is a pathway to God" nonsense.

It's taken enough already for me to think of religion as something other than a well-told story meant to control people and keep them from rising up in this world, claiming their fortunes will be ever-present in heaven.

While you're worrying about whether the quickie you got this weekend will keep you out of heaven, I'll be taking a walk outside, enjoying the Earth your God allegedly created.

I hope you enjoy it now, because if the Mayans were right, we're all screwed.

Originally published in The Daily Reveille...

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Current affairs looking like Spy vs. Spy

My favorite thing to read as a kid was MAD magazine. It wasn't for the fold-in page on the back cover, Don Martin's obsession with bent feet or The Lighter Side.

It was for Spy vs. Spy.

The epic struggle continued with each passing issue. Even after the move to full-color page ads - forever ruining the mystique of MAD magazine - bombs were dropped, chainsaws whirred and my juvenile eyes gleamed with every decapitating cartoon murder.

Ah, to be young.

As a young lad, I also indulged, somewhat shamelessly, in trick-or-treating every year for Halloween, every house in uptown New Orleans lit up by neighbors waiting to give me Snickers.

I never thought I'd see the day when one of these houses would grab the national spotlight.

The Great One upstairs - no, not The Rock - had different plans.

This past Monday, on the corner of Bordeaux and Baronne streets - literally four blocks from my childhood home - the FBI raided one of these homes to arrest Tai Shen Kuo, a 58-year-old furniture salesman and Chinese national currently accused of buying highly classified information about the U.S. military's weapons sales to Taiwan.

Kuo bought this information from Gregg Bergersen, a 51-year-old weapons systems policy analyst from Alexandria, Va., according to Assistant Attorney General Kenneth Wainstein.

Let me adjust that - a former weapons systems policy expert.

After allegedly buying said information, Kuo then handed it to 33-year-old Yu Xin Kang, a lawful resident also in New Orleans. Kang then allegedly gave this information to a spy for the Chinese government.

The data, according to prosecutors, outlined every planned U.S. sale of weapons or other military technology to Taiwan for the next five years.

China has been wary of our continued support for Taiwan, considering the People's Republic fails to recognize Taiwan's independence.

Bergersen was formally charged with conspiracy to deliver national defense information to a person not entitled to receive it. He faces a maximum of 10 years in prison. Kuo and Kang, however, are both charged with conspiracy to deliver national defense information to a foreign government, which provides automatic life imprisonment if convicted.

This case, registering a 10 on my "What the Hell?!" meter, coincided with another espionage incident in Los Angeles. Dongfan "Greg" Chung was indicted on espionage, conspiracy and obstruction of justice the same day as Kuo, Kang and Bergersen.

Chung has been collecting data on U.S. aviation, including the space shuttle and various military and civilian aircraft, according to CBS News. He had been the subject of an FBI investigation for nearly a year, being routinely tasked with collecting data beginning as early as 1979.

These investigations have re-ignited the flame of scaring the bejeezus out of us by inflicting the two most subtly dangerous words in the English language.

Cold War.

"China and Russia's foreign intelligence services are among the most aggressive in collecting against sensitive and protected U.S. systems, facilities and developmental projects. Their efforts are reaching Cold War levels," said Michael McConnell, National Intelligence Director.

He also asserted Lebanon-based Hezbollah's potential mulling of attacks on the U.S. mainland were we to keep threatening Iran. Considering McConnell made these claims this past September, exactly five months ago today, it looks like we're on the path leading to another almost "day of infamy."

China is seeking to cease this potentially explosive rhetoric. "The so-called accusation against China is totally groundless. We urge the U.S. to stop its Cold War thinking and stop groundless accusations but to do more to contribute to our mutual trust and friendship between our two peoples," said Liu Jianchao, Foreign Ministry spokesperson, at a press conference this past Thursday.

Unfortunately, these spy cases look like great news for the Bush administration, who been itching for the chance to have terror actually happen on our soil. The president was ready and willing to postpone a disingenuous trip to Africa in favor of pressuring Congress to pass legislation granting retroactive immunity to telephone companies cooperative in his warrantless eavesdropping program.

Forget Darfur, Chad and the AIDS crisis - AT&T has been sued.

These spy cases show the world exactly what America has become. Instead of coming together to find a common solution to a sticky situation, the proposed solution from our intelligence experts involves spying on American residents without a court order.

If our current leaders keep their "don't mess with us, or we'll blow you back to the Stone Age" attitude, we won't be the ones calling the worldwide shots. Yes, we're the richest, most powerful country in the world. Without tact or sincerity, however, we'll see what happens when many billions of people become enraged at all 300 million of us because of the actions of the representative few we elected.

In the real-life version of Spy vs. Spy, we all lose.

Originally published in The Daily Reveille...

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LiveBlog: 2/13 LSU Student Government Senate Meeting

Dedication

6:20 p.m. - As I sit here, in the Atchafalaya Room at the LSU Student Union, I wonder why no one else is here. It’s Wednesday, it’s almost 6:30 p.m., and I’m literally the only one in the room.

6:21 p.m. - The Reveille photographer just arrived, bringing the total amount of people present for the Student Government Senate meeting to two. Let me repeat that. The total amount of people present for tonight’s Student Government Senate meeting is two. No senators, no chairmen or women, no binders on tables with agendas, resolutions and the like, no name cards displaying the names of every illustrious senator. There isn’t even a gavel. Just a live blogger and a photographer.

Trickling in

6:27 p.m. - The senators begin to filter into the room, as we are a mere three minutes from the start of the meeting.

6:33 p.m. - I thought the meeting would have started by now. Instead of debating campus concerns and participating in activities that would benefit the student body, the senators have decided instead to chit chat with each other. I’ve been told a memorial walk is currently being held to honor the memory of the two slain students from last semester. At the same time, Student Government has planned a “lighting walk” to observe the different sets of lights about campus. Both of these are being held tonight, leaving Student Government with no conceivable opportunity to walk alongside those wishing to commemorate the lives of two students.

6:37 p.m. - Speaker Colorado Robertson, after a roll call, lack of a quorum, and multiple gavel bangs, announces tonight’s lighting walk, part of an initiative started by Student Government President Cassie Alsfeld. According to the campus community, campus lighting is the number one concern, and tonight’s walk will consist of examination of current lights, as well as monitoring lights in need of repair.

Shout out to Travis Andrews

6:40 p.m. - It makes his life complete to know he’s been mentioned in the blog. There you go, Sen. Andrews.

More about the memorial walk

6:42 p.m. - Sen. Blanco, well in the running for my favorite senator, announces to the body the memorial walk for Chandrasekhar Reddy Komma and Kiran Kumar Allam. She plans to make it to part of the lighting walk.

Student input

6:45 p.m. - From 11:30 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. every Monday, SG along with Tiger TV is busy filming student input about concerns on campus. When it comes to a fee increase for the Student Health Center, one student replies, “Well, what is it they actually do?”

Reports

6:52 p.m. - The newsletter from SG will be available, hopefully, next week on the Web site.

6:53 p.m. - An “Extreme Academic Makeover Workshop” is established sparingly in the Atchafalaya Room to help students with academic troubles.

6:54 p.m. - Parker Wishik attended a safety meeting with different branches of LSU to discuss safety concerns on campus. After minor technical difficulties are alleviated, all information will be available on the SG Web site at sg.lsu.edu.

6:55 p.m. - Campaign filing begins next week.

6:56 p.m. - The Valentine’s Day Kiss has returned. Under the Bell Tower at 8 p.m. tomorrow night, you can kiss your sweetheart and seal your love for another year. This kiss has been traditionally held at midnight, but it has been pushed back to 8 p.m. because of safety concerns. The room looks half aghast, half melancholy.

6:58 p.m. - The Clerk of Court position has been vacant all year, and so far no one has applied.

Suspend the rules

7:00 p.m. - A motion has been made to suspend the rules and move straight to Legislative Officer Reports, upon which we bear witness to an unleashing of stress by the Secretary. While venting about tests coming up and the frustration of the agenda cast aside, Madame Secretary is asked to keep her comments relevant to the meeting. Sen. Whitney Breaux, from the back, chimes in, “I think it’s really relevant.” After concluding her speech about her unending frustration, she is met with half-sarcastic, half-sincere applause that lasts a good 20 seconds.

7:05 p.m. - Directions are now told for the lighting walk, as the senators number off into one of four groups. The tone of the shouts of “One,” “Two,” “Three,” and “Four” sound remarkably similar to that of a bored, tired, lonely student waiting for the meeting to be over.

7:10 p.m. - The groups are off, ready to become proactive regarding the lighting on campus. The live blogger is now bored.

7:36pm

7:36 p.m. - I’m done. Good night, and good luck.


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An underage Super Bowl, Mardi Gras aneurysm

This past Mardi Gras was my 21st straight birthday party. I haven't missed Fat Tuesday since I was born in 1987, a week before Mardi Gras Day.

I won't turn 21, however, until this coming Sunday.

Curse the gods above for giving me Carnival 12 days before I can drink legally, as I knew this dilemma would later slap me in the face.

It happened once over the break, this past Saturday, when I joined some friends at a bar in Metairie called Oscar's. My two sorority acquaintances informed me that they were asking for IDs, but I wasn't worried. When a random guy in a Jesuit hoodie came over to check our IDs, I gave him mine while looking calm and collected.

He looks at my ID, then right back at me as he informs me, "Today's not the 17th."

I looked shocked as I replied faux sincerely, "Oh really, is it not?"

In my head I'm channeling Bill Engvall, saying, "I am 21 already. I just came back in a time machine from three weeks ago so I could have a beer during Mardi Gras. Here's your sign."

Regardless, I was thrown out of Oscar's.

The aforementioned acquaintances decide to rendez-vous with me and my buddies at The Harbor, a bit closer to the lake but still remarkably Metairie. If you wonder about my placement of the word "remarkably," ask someone who grew up in Uptown New Orleans just what it's like to spend Mardi Gras in Metairie.

There are no "Gretas" in Uptown.

Our Greta, a 40-something-year-old soccer mom already drunk off Miller Lite, decided that we, the college crowd, were the perfect type of people to which lap dances should be given.

She started with my buddy "James," recovering from his own questionable pre-Mardi Gras hookup. She then moved to the ground, relatively quickly. After a tug-of-war in which she's cursing at James while trying to steal the beer bucket, she leaves, cursing out anything that so much as looked at her funny. With my story from Saturday night intact, we depart from the Harbor to rest before Big Sunday.

For me, it was Disaster Sunday.

No person will ever stop me from catching something thrown off a float.

If I want it, it shall be mine.

However, on Tchoupitoulas Street at the beginning of the Krewe of Thoth, when a little football was thrown, I jumped to catch it. When I came down, I bobbled it, moved to catch it again and crashed, right leg first, into the steel beam connecting the float to the tractor.

I flipped over and down to the ground, where half the crowd met my acrobatics with horror, while the other half - appropriately - pointed and laughed. I made it back to my other seat, after breaking the first one with 290 pounds of me, and was bombarded with inquiries of "Are you alright?" mixed with "That was the funniest f#$%ing thing i've ever f#$%ing seen!"

I still came down with the football.

A long-time friend of mine, "Phil," threw a plastic baggie off the float with eight Tylenol - I consumed four. I'm a big dude with some big pain. As no Vicodin was made readily available, four Tylenol circulated my blood stream, driving to devour my dismay like Ms. Pac-Man when all the enemies turn blue and run about screaming.

Needless to say, I was in no condition to walk back and forth in hopes of catching a miscellaneous bead thrown by Hulk Hogan. I rode back to Metairie with James' parents and little brother, with resting and watching the Super Bowl as my only priorities.

Anyone who saw the Super Bowl and knows that I went to the same high school as the past two Super Bowl MVPs knows I enjoyed the game thoroughly. Soon after Giants wide receiver David Tyree's helmet catch but before the game-winning touchdown in the fourth quarter, James' little brother comes up to me and asks, "Is it bad if I eat a peanut if there's already a hole in it?"

A year ago, if someone told me I'd be watching the Super Bowl in a random family's house in Metairie, nursing a bum leg and not going to Bacchus while being pestered about the inner workings of a peanut, I'd have called shenanigans.

It made even less sense two days later when, instead of second-lining with my drum and 20 of my closest friends behind the krewes of Zulu and Rex, I watched election returns on the rest of the country's Fat - or Super - Tuesday. As Barack Obama won more states and grabbed the momentum of the election, I relaxed and hoped my leg would heal quickly. Come find me, and I'll show you the wound.

And, of course, I'll tell the rest of the story.

Originally published in The Daily Reveille...

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