What "RNC" Really Means

Stephen Colbert's description of the 2000 Republican National Convention.



"Well Jon, as a journalist I have to maintain my objectivity, but I would say the feeling down here was one of a pervasive and a palpable evil. A thick, demonic stench that rolls over you and clings like hot black tar. A nightmare from which you cannot awaken. A nameless fear that lives in the dark spaces beyond your peripheral vision and drives you toward inhuman cruelties and unspeakable perversions. The delegates' bloated pustulant bodies, twisting from one obscene form to another, giant spider shapes and ravenous wolf-headed creatures, who feast on the flesh of the innocent and suck the marrow from the bones of the poor. And all of them driven like goats to the slaughter by their infernal masters on the podium. Known by many names: Beelzebub, Baalzebul, Mammon, Abaddon, Pharatus, Asmodius, Satan, Lucifer, Nick, Old Scratch, The Ancient Enemy and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. This is Hell, Jon, where the damned languish forever in a black flame that gives no heat, sheds no light, yet consumes the flesh forever and will not go out, Jon."

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