Port Allen serves delicious racism with a side of corn

I've played with pigs and ran with chickens. I've bounced on a jumping pillow. I have allowed myself to get lost in a maze.

Never before, though, have I ever shot an Arab in the face with an ear of corn. And some people actually have the nerve to question why Louisianians are considered so racist.

All of the above activities can be found at Porky's Corny Conundrum, one of 1,200 corn- field mazes ready for exploration. The Port Allen attraction is a subsidiary of the MAiZE, a corn field maze company specializing in creating giant pathways from fields of corn. Begun in 1996 by Brett Herbst, a Brigham Young University graduate from Salmon, Idaho, the first corn maze was built in American Folk, Utah - no, I'm not making that name up - and became the largest corn maze in the Western United States. After 11 years and a Guinness world record, the MAiZE has expanded to more than 190 locations, including mazes in Canada, Great Britain, Italy and even Poland.

I'm not sure if Poland knows what a corn launcher is, though.

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President Colbert would shake up Washington

Forget everything I've ever said about Al Gore, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton or any other presidential hopeful. I don't have to vote for them anymore. The clear choice in 2008 is finally running.

Dr. Stephen "Tiberius" Colbert, D.F.A., is running for president, solely in the state of South Carolina.

As the host of Comedy Central's "The Colbert Report," Colbert unleashes a venomous collision of slippery metaphors with enough fire to burn the sun. His rhetoric can be heard by two out of three countries in North America. He isn't bothered by polls, which he refers to as "a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in 'reality.' And reality has a well-known liberal bias."

Colbert isn't one of the elites. He isn't a member of the Factinista. He isn't one of the brainiacs of the Nerd Patrol. His opinions come straight from the gut. He believes the Panama Canal was built in 1941. You can look it up. Maybe some of you will look it up and find out that it's not true, but that's because you looked it up in a book. Next time, use your gut, and your answer will never be wrong.

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Fresh off Nobel Prize win, we need Gore in '08

According to the will of Alfred Nobel - ironically, the inventor of dynamite - the Nobel Peace Prize should be awarded "to the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between the nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses."

The most noble and noteworthy winner of the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize, among the 2,000 or so scientists serving on the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, is the man who used to be "the next president of the United States." I won't get started on a rant about the Electoral College, but the people of this nation picked the right candidate. According to the 105,417,258 Americans who voted in the 2000 presidential election, 51,003,926 people allied themselves with Albert Arnold Gore Jr., but since the election, he has turned into a philanthropist, activist and role model for citizens of the world.

You better believe a little lingering resentment rests within the soul of this great man over losing to a second generation, silver spoon-fed tyrant who defended his veto of the State Children's Health Insurance Program, preventing low-income children from getting health care coverage, by saying "poor kids first." According to The New York Times, Gore warned in 2002 that if we invaded Iraq, "the resulting chaos could easily pose a far greater danger to the United States than we presently face from Saddam." Today marks the five-year anniversary of President Bush's signing of the congressional authorization to use military force in Iraq.

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No question about it: LSU is No. 1 team in the country

Kirk Herbstreit left ESPN College GameDay to broadcast another game across the country. He picked Florida.

He also picked USC, just like the rest of the country. Just after a 4-yard touchdown run by Keiland Williams with 7:49 left in the third quarter, the legendary Tiger Stadium public address announcer Dan Borne informed all 92,910 emotionally charged fans that Stanford defeated the once No. 1-ranked Trojans. Never have I been in a football stadium when the entire attitude of the game was completely reversed because of the celebration in the stands inspired by another team's defeat.

Make no question about it: LSU is the No. 1 team in the country.

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SG president needs to re-evaluate her priorities

"I want to move forward. I'm here to move forward with this campus. I was elected to get us there, and I will do anything it takes to get us there."

Those were the words of Student Government President Cassie Alsfeld, in defense of her vote on the LSU Board of Supervisors to approve the Student Union fee increase originally shot down by the students this past semester. Apparently, "doing anything" involves ignoring the student body's wishes and pushing on with one's own agenda. I voted in favor of the Union Theater Referendum put in front of the students, and when it was defeated by 50.99 percent of the student body, I sighed but eventually accepted the will of the students. To vote in a board room unanimously against the vote of the student body, regardless of how close the vote was, is unjust and unfair. The Board essentially turned our vote into a poll.

Madame Alsfeld has expressed her dissent with The Daily Reveille's coverage of SG during the course of this semester, saying in a Letter to the Editor on Sept. 27, "the presentation and choice of stories have displayed an obvious slant within management." Her actions as president this semester, however, have displayed a much steeper slant.

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