President Colbert would shake up Washington

Forget everything I've ever said about Al Gore, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton or any other presidential hopeful. I don't have to vote for them anymore. The clear choice in 2008 is finally running.

Dr. Stephen "Tiberius" Colbert, D.F.A., is running for president, solely in the state of South Carolina.

As the host of Comedy Central's "The Colbert Report," Colbert unleashes a venomous collision of slippery metaphors with enough fire to burn the sun. His rhetoric can be heard by two out of three countries in North America. He isn't bothered by polls, which he refers to as "a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in 'reality.' And reality has a well-known liberal bias."

Colbert isn't one of the elites. He isn't a member of the Factinista. He isn't one of the brainiacs of the Nerd Patrol. His opinions come straight from the gut. He believes the Panama Canal was built in 1941. You can look it up. Maybe some of you will look it up and find out that it's not true, but that's because you looked it up in a book. Next time, use your gut, and your answer will never be wrong.

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